Monday, September 12, 2011

Professor Brainbridge

The time has finally come for you to meet the mysterious and quirky stranger know as PROFESSOR BRAINBRIDGE! 
                   (Applause track plays)

Professor BB is a world-renown expert on useless, life-saving facts. He has taught at several universities around the world, is the proprietor of Notown’s newspaper, owns almost as many books as the Library of Congress, and is an advocate of well-polished shoes.
     I will be asking the Professor some thought provoking questions about life, education and empty rooms.
     Me: I am very excited to have you on my little blog! You’re such a respected and well know figure. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions so our readers can get to know you?
      P Bb: Not at all! Thank you for inviting me to your blog.
      Me: Tell us a little about your very interesting and sometimes dangerous life in the Wild West town of Notown. What experience stands out in your mind you would like to share?
     P Bb: Hmm. Well just last week a band of ship-wrecked pirates held the entire town for ransom.
     Me: Oh my goodness! How did you escape?
     P Bb: I didn’t my dear girl. You see, there is a good-hearted old lady in town who made meals for our captors. However as good as this lady’s heart is, her cooking is not. Suffice it to say the pirates deemed that ten million dollars was not worth eating another one of her meals for and left us post haste.
    Me: But Professor, how did shipwrecked pirates hold the town for ransom? Isn’t Notown in the middle of the desert of Nowhere?
     P Bb: You know your geography quite well Miss Daye! 
     Me: Um, never mind. Professor Bb, last week we looked briefly at the history of Charles Martel. What can you tell us about the Merovingian dynasty of Austrasia and Pepin the Short?
     P Bb: Ah, the Merovingians! They were also known as the Merovings. They were descended from the Salian Franks who lived north of the Roman limes—that is frontier or boundary –and were a rather war-like people. From about the 3rd century they were allies of Rome and formed an agreement with them to settle in Toxandria, that is in the modern day area of the Netherlands and Belgium. Now as the Salians – also known as Salii- became the Merovingians, they were still quite an aggressive group, often in civil war amongst themselves.
     Pope Zachery finally put an end to their selfish nonsense in 752 AD by deposing Childeric III and crowning Pepin the Short, Charles Martel’s son, King in 754. Childeric was a rather interesting fellow. No one is quite certain why he was chosen to become king in the first place…
     Me: Yes, thank you Professor. Could you perhaps tell our readers why Pepin was important to history?
     Prof Bb: Why of course! Pepin was actually crowned TWICE. Once in Soissons by an archbishop and again in Paris by the Pope, adding to his title ‘The Patrician of the Romans’. This was actually the first recorded time a civilian ruler was crowned by a Pope.
     Well, in those days people lived such dreadfully short lives that Pepin asked the Pope to also anoint his sons: Carloman and Charles who later became Charlemagne. Pepin’s rule ended the Merovingian dynasty and began the Carolingian dynasty that both he and Charlemagne would expand dramatically over the next several years.
     Although Pepin’s rule brought about the continuation of the then new-fangled feudal system, drove out the Iberian Muslims, built up the heavy cavalry which his father had begun and which became the predecessors to knights, and spread the Frankish church, his work was lost in the shadow of his son Charlemagne who founded the Holy Roman Empire. Rather sad, but history is rather fickle.

     Me: Um, yes. Thank you for those fascinating pieces of information Professor. I’m sure it will save our lives one day. I think perhaps next time we’ll discuss plankton or something.
     P Bb: Interesting critters those! Do you know ‘plankton’ is actually from the Greek planktos which means--
     Me: Er, yes. Thank you. Until next time Professor.



  1. haha, i love your blog! i adore the quote of the week you put in your posts :)

  2. Whoa! Whoever drew that AMAZING cartoon is like AMAZING!!!! ;P